Working hard for the cure to straight-acting:
The Best of inQueer

emo to the Supercilious Tops of the World:

I think its time that we sit down and have a little chat about a problem that's increasingly common in our scene today. I'll be cruising along at the local club, and meet the man of my dreams,¹ and in the natural course of club convo, the subject of who-likes-what-where comes up. "I'm versatile," I'll say with a sly smile and sparkle in my eye.

And you, Mr. Tough-guy Top, reply with a dismissive laugh, "Oh, so you're a bottom."

Nothing irritates me more than an arrogant Top who treats Versatiles as Bottoms in denial, which not only slights the multitalented Versatile, but also the hardworking Bottom, as well. If anything, a Top should lower his head and whisper his position of choice, for it is hardly impressive that you can get it up and stick it in somewhere.

So let's make it clear: Versatiles are not Bottoms. We enjoy everything our sexuality has to offer. We are naturally adventurous in bed² and like our partners to be as well. Sex with Versatiles is always hotter. Consider:

- There is no need to argue about positions with Versatiles. Less talk, more action.
- Versatiles know how to bottom well because they can top well, too. And vice-versa.
- We make threesomes much more interesting.

Which leads me to wonder why some Tops have such an attitude?

I suspect some Tops still have some straight-ego issues to overcome. How more much more straight can you get than static top/bottom sex? I'm not impressed by your ability to be straight-acting in bed. Get over it, already.

More likely, however, is that you are just plain lazy and cover it up with a haughty front. Contrary to popular belief, most of us are not born with the natural ability to take a six to twelve inch³ rod of flesh⁴ up our backside at high speed. It takes some practice and effort, but instead you'll play Mr. Macho and let others do the work. I suspect this is also why most Tops I meet are absolute snoozes in bed.

But for whatever reason, you are a Top, and if you can't bring yourself to be versatile, you ought to show respect for those that are gifted with that talent. When you meet a Versatile, don't dismiss us as Bottoms, or assume that we'll just bend over and take it just because you're a Top.

So Mister Top, consider yourself warned, because the next time I am dismissed as a Bottom in denial, I'll kick your ass so hard my leg will be half way up it. Then we'll see who the Bottom is.

¹-night, hour, whatever
²-back seat, bathhouse, whatever
³-generally speaking
⁴-silicone, cucumber, whatever