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SESAME STREET- Tension ran high on the usually calm set of "Sesame Street" last month when the cast learned about plans for a new storyline for an HIV-positive Muppet character on the popular children's show.
"We were all like, gosh, who's got HIV?" said Big Bird, a long time veteran of the program. "Naturally, we figured it was Bert or Ernie."
"Everyone stopped talking to us and would run if Ernie or I sneezed," said Ernie. "It was terrible."
"Nobody wanted to see my bottle cap collection anymore, and the Tweedlebugs moved out of our flower box," said Bert, Ernie's partner. "It hurt. Ernie and I get tested regularly, and it always comes back negative. We're not into high-risk behavior. But nobody listened."
As tensions continued to rise, Bert began to lash out at the other Muppets. "I remember one day, Bert had had enough, and cried out 'It's Cookie Monster! He'll put anything in his mouth!'" recalled Ernie. "It was a really sad moment."
Distrust and personal attacks grew among the cast until nearly everyone was suspected of having HIV. "At one point, it was the Count because 'all vampires drink blood' and then it was Oscar because, well, nobody likes Oscar anyway," said Big Bird of the events.
It turned out, however, the HIV-positive character will be a newly created female "monster" Muppet, whose other characteristics have not yet been determined.
"Boy, did I feel better," said cast member Elmo. "We were all really scared."
"I even have to admit that I began to wonder if Bert was really being faithful," said Ernie. "It was tearing us apart."
"Well, we all did or said something that I think we regret. It has really hurt the cast, but I think we'll get over it. We've been together for too long to let something like this destroy our friendships," commented Grover. "It's time to move on, and welcome our newest cast member."
"I actually feel bad for all those anonymous 'God made AIDS to kill fags' letters I sent to everybody," remarked an unusually penitent Oscar the Grouch. "I hope they'll forgive me."
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