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[ This isn't so much funny, as it is true. —AR]
Baltimore-- The newly formed Baltimore Pride Coalition has entered its third week of deadlock at trustees' meetings over the mission statement for the organization. The board, which consists of local gay and lesbian community leaders, cannot come to terms over whether the mission statement should use the phrase "GLBT community" or "LGBT community" to describe the non-heterosexual community as a whole.
The letters "GLBT" stand for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered, the typical four categories non-heterosexuals are categorized in. The question, then, comes down to the order in which they should be referred to in the Baltimore Pride Coalition's mission. "It seems like an insignificant issue, but the placement of those letters can have a significant impact on how our organization is viewed by the community," said vice-chairperson Leslie Patterson.
"GLBT is the widely accepted and used by nearly every major GLBT advocacy organization in the US. I fail to see why we need to argue over this," remarked Bill Parks, chairman of the BPC at the most recent board meeting.
"Yeah, and whoever came up with the idea was probably a man and naturally put gays ahead of lesbians. It's time we take a stand and put lesbians first in this community," replied Patterson.
The rest of the twelve member board continues to vote on the side of their sex, with the exception of two people. The first, Natasha Merlin, a transgendered member supports "TBGL" as the appropriate order. "Why are transgenered people always listed last, no matter what?" asked Merlin.
The second independent mind is Starr, an androgynous bisexual board member who could care less. Remarked Starr, "This is the dumbest argument I've ever heard. I think we should just call ourselves the 'Multi-fucks' and be done with it."
The meeting quickly degenerated from that point.
"You're just bitter, you old dyke. Nobody cares! We're leaving it as GLBT!" cried Parks at Patterson.
"Misogynist asshole."
"Bitch!"
Resolution does not appear to be likely anytime soon. Treasurer Laura Wells has threatened to resign and start her own group for the "LBT community." "No gays at all!" shouted Wells.
"Note that transgenered is still last," quipped Merlin.
"Oh shut up about the transgendered, will you? If you'd just vote with your apparent chosen sex, we could end this damn issue," cried Wells.
The most recent meeting was brought to a close with Patterson holding Parks in a half-nelson. "We'll table the mission statement decision until our next meeting," said the blue faced Parks. "Meeting adjourned."
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